I Remember When I Was Inspired.

I remember when I was inspired

I'd look through countless pages 
checking for the illest ways and phrases
to tell you i love you.
them days when i didnt remember a day
when i was never without you.

You allowed to express myself in multiple ways
that you were once impressed with.
Them days I came back your face lit up like july sun rays.
The embraces that let me feel alive, young miss thang.
When you rolled with ya me, you smiled.
and I always felt the same.

Ya see now 4 years later
my mind is loaded with blanks.
Fk theres nothing in the chamber
lines are filtering through the ranks.
Quickly dropping from the top
and hitting bottom with the ensigns.
back then it was like hip hop
now its in smoke like incense.

I dont write. Scratch that I cant write.
I write like a high school freshman
no heart no intensity inside.
So i keep my bic clicked in
Instead of ink pushed out
My brain searches the world
looking for that blot of inspiration
that once volumized her curls
Now roaming like Arabian bedouins
Inspiration where have you gone?

Dont get me wrong about this all
this is me coping my past in my present
through my rises and my falls
attempting to make this beautiful and pleasant.
Maintaining a poetic sense of mind.
But mainly recapturing that hella dope vibe.
Everytime i penned up my thoughts at night
When dropped my pen and realized
that 30 min rush of just the thought
of you with this 19 year old guy.
Made something beautiful.
Through the countless rhyming schemes
Looking through my short stories and poetry
across the countless paper reams
You made the best writer out of me

Now at the end of this recent poem 
I recapture that essence that was me
That writer I wanted to become
Finally available to write honestly
Without your immediate presence beside
I finally believe I can write
Eventhough you just exist in my mind.
I want to say Thank You to the real girl 
who exists out there in the real world.
Your existence and past presence
has created a future in me 
in lieu of your absence.
Whether or not you come back.
you highly contributed to who I be.


one love.

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